Breaking up is hard to do but doing it in a way that is respectful and kind will not only help your ex recover more quickly, it will help you feel good about how you ended it and move on without guilt. It is hard not to break someone’s heart when you break up with them but finding kind ways to do so will help their broken heart mend faster.
1/ Once you’ve made the decision to break up, stick with it. Sometimes it’s hard to turn off your emotions when your partner is sitting right in front of you. You’re about to say the words … but then you notice how cute they look, and you start thinking about all the good times you’ve had, and suddenly you begin to question why you wanted to break up with them in the first place. This is where willpower comes in. “If you’re ready to make the decision [to break up], then it’s important to be firm about it, and not do this push/pull with your partner and make them think that there’s hope when there’s not,”
2/ Remember to be kind in the moment. Never has the golden rule been more applicable: Treat the other person as you would want to be treated. Because breakups involve a lot of feelings, sometimes, our emotions can get the best of us. But if you’re the one initiating the separation, be the bigger person and stick to your practiced script.
3/ Find one clear cut reason the relationship isn’t working out. If you’ve only been dating for a short while, you don’t need to go into a huge saga about what everything that went wrong. Be short and sweet: “I really liked hanging out with you, but I think we’re better off as friends,” This is working anymore.”
4/ If they don’t get the message, be frank with them. If they continue to ask you out after you’ve tried to express your lack of feelings, you need to tell them straight-up that you’re not interested.
5/ Don’t do it slowly. I have a friend who, when he no longer wants to be with someone, doesn’t tell them straight out. Instead, he stops texting and calling as much, he doesn’t respond regularly when they reach out, he spends time with them but not to the extent that he used to.
He says he does so because he doesn’t hurt them but I would argue it actually easier on him and that this actually hurts them more. Much like pulling off Bandaid, ending a relationship quickly and decisively will help your person recover and move on more quickly.
Another thing that many people do is they yo-yo. They want out but they don’t want to hurt their person and they are worried that they will get bored and lonely, so they have a hard time breaking up with them for good. They break up and then they come back, things are okay for a while and then it all falls apart again. Doing this over and over and over isn’t good for anyone and will definitely lead to heartbreak.
6/ Don’t move on too quickly. One of the worst things that can happen is when someone breaks up with you and the next day you see them all over social media with a new partner. Immediately you question everything about yourself and your relationship. You wonder if your person was cheating on you the whole time. You wonder why you weren’t good enough for that person, why they had to go looking for someone else. You assume you have been lied to and you are humiliated and you feel betrayed by your person for flaunting this new person to all of your friends.
Even if you do have someone waiting in the wings, make sure that you leave a respectable amount of time before you bring that person out into the open. Yes, you want the world to know that you are in love but have enough respect for your ex to give them some time to move on and to not disrespect them in the eyes of the world.
I know that you want to find find ways to break up with someone so you don’t break their heart. Having respect for your ex and your relationship is the key to doing this successfully.
7/ Don’t avoid the other person or the conversation you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the long run — for you and your BF or GF. Plus, when people put things off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person you’re breaking up with to hear it from someone else before hearing it from you.
8/ Don’t rush into a difficult conversation without thinking it through. You may say things you regret.
9/ Don’t disrespect. Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about how you’d feel. You’d want your ex to say only positive things about you after you’re no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.
10/ Don’t say words of love. Don’t tell her that you still love her but you cannot be together because of some reasons. She will be in the grip of paralysis, overwhelmed and very painfully hurt.
11/ Do not say that you’ve met someone better. If one of the reasons you’re breaking up with him is because you’ve met someone else who you think you could have a much better connection with, don’t tell him that! Seriously, nothing can break a man’s heart more than knowing that the girl that he’s with actually fancies someone else! Spare him the nightmare.